My Embarrassing Secret from the Sept 11th Attacks


I was terribly confused when it happened.

"How could anyone hit the side of a building that large? Couldn't they see where they were headed?" I wondered aloud.

Another classmate eyed me. Looking back the dots connect easily. I'm sure he thought I was a complete nerfherder.

He tightened his jaw and spoke, "Because they meant to do it. It's a terrorist attack. Maybe if it was one plane? But two? No."

I sat back in my seat and processed, reflexively working my thumb into my thighs. "Two?" I numbly whispered. "I didn't know there were two."

I felt a flush of fear, and accompanying clarity, as I started to knit together earlier moments.

The students milling around the building, some clustered around tiny televisions.

The absence of our professor even with my late arrival.

The spike-y energy to the stream of people winding their way through the quad, when classes were typically in session.

In my body I felt a shift; a transition in my orientation relative to the world. Ten minutes earlier it had been accessible, dangerous at times, but navigable with tools and places to hide. In a short span I felt upended. The world was suddenly perilous and I was vibrantly, brilliantly exposed.

I felt that change inside me and in several ways I don't think I've been the same since. Not until just recently when I left my long standing career in national security to be a full-time coach and healer. I think a part of me that was familiar with fear, upset, urgency was activated (reactivated rather from childhood woes) and adjusted well to living in trill fear, a clenched way of being in the world. 

And we are what we practice.

Even as I have unshakeable belief in Divine timing and purpose, and radiant Knowing that I have a healing purpose on earth, and like you, are assembled from Love. We are what we practice. And so I have practiced fear and worry, anxious dis-ease, anger and upset. The past few years has seen an increasingly divergent path for me, building my coaching practice and resting in miracles and magic. Yet I have not truly lived it. 

Now I find myself going through a Sacred Unwinding to unearth my core, my center of peace, love and power.

So it was in that unraveling-yet-aligned place that I went Sunday to a sacred ceremony in honor of the attacks. And I reflected on that young girl, that container of contradiction who could loftily dream of being a CIA-ninja-assassin whilst simultaneously being unable to imagine that anyone would cause hurt in the way that was done, so many years ago.  

There was a Despacho with prayers of forgiveness and I prayed for us. There was heart-opening cacao and I asked the Deva who appeared to me for wisdom. I felt a deep thrumming of release through me as if I was completing a long cycle. Finally returning home.

And that is what I offer you today, Starhearts. Peace, power, clarity.

No matter what yesterday looked like, that tomorrow can be different.

No matter how much we forecast based on logic and linearity, there are miracles making their way to us to deliver unexpected, bountiful magic.

No matter where we are headed, we can always shift the destination. 

In every moment we are present, there is vibrant, creative potential. In order to see the fullness and engage, we have to breathe and be willing to sit with uncertainty. Hear me when I saw, I know this is tough. But oh, the rewards that will follow...

To thriving in love and truth, and moving with hope and vision,

With Love and Light from Mythical HQ,


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My Embarrassing Secret from the Sept 11th Attacks
Stephanie Lagana2 Comments